EventuallySensible

Some basic practice art ideas.

Preview of my upcoming BFTS album. Just two opening track demos. Expect melancholic Neoclassical piano and assorted string segments, moving into more rousing territory in the finished work. Music to reflect on the destitute modern age, and the need to find Meaning in the imposed materialist sprawl and the cynical emptiness, and to forge a national sense of being and strength, while all around is chaos - or fall prey to despair and degeneracy, and eventual extinction.

As noted in my last iteration of this telling song, I am displeased by what my stepchildren are taught at the local State school. The older boy seems more thoroughly brainwashed regarding his cursory and inadequate understanding of Second World War history, and more closed in mind than his younger sister, who knows just about nothing at all on the topic, but at least, just about, recognizes the term 'Marxist', from me, and the vague ramifications of the Jewish doctrine of Communist throughout the early 20th Century. This video may pass most everyday British citizens by. I hope they don't listen to his carefree mantra too closely though, without critical thought, as the main content of the video, following the brief Holodomor remembrance, is footage of Allied atrocities perpetrated on the German people, from the terror-bombing by fire of cities such as Hamburg, or Dresden, and the bloodied corpses lying there in rubble and destruction on the burnt streets, to Eisenhower's Rhine Meadows death camps, with much cruelty and brutality. It's not a great song. I was too subtle about the words and samples usage I think, and I don't feel that it necessarily works. It might though, slowly. I'll try it on Drooble later. The star illustration still is taken from, in translation, my copy of "Bolshevism - Jewish Sub-Humanity" published by the Schutzstaffel Main Office - Education office.

I enjoyed this. There was a good bit more I had wanted to say, but I tend to just go with the flow... he's an old man, and quite a dangerous man, still, and there's no point in getting out of control. A very good friend, with a very colourful past. We spend a lot of time firing crossbows in the garden, and dissecting the local area, with some anger and distaste, or just out in the wild, stargazing and examining the fauna. Much as I get frustrated at my inability to share one vast facet of my interests with him - namely National Socialism and the ramifications and intrigues of the Second World War - we do talk on other things, and it's pleasant.

As noted, I write often to my friend. I have sent similar external letters, based on our snippets of messenger chat, to my mother now, and to my aunt, for passing on to others in the family in Ireland. I don't think it'll go down too well. I like to keep them up to date though. Nothing new, but at least it's not more wretched text-to-speech.

A free album for you, with my introduction. It's slipped by very quietly. At least it's stored on here now.

Taken from a short letter to a friend.

Another short, simple beginner album, with introduction. No artwork visuals. Sound only.

Personal diary, 30/09/2020. Based on a recent letter to my friend.

I had to capitulate myself, in her case. it would both cruel and also futile to have continued. It's a great pity when my family members won't deal with these possibilities, and berate me for considering them at all.

More correspondence ideas, expanded. I've probably made mistakes in this or omitted something useful, but it serves as a little diary.

Based on more correspondence with a patient friend.
Link to my demo material for the latest album, if you would like to test out what I have so far: https://bleachforthestars.bandcamp.com/album/authorizers

Link to the latest version of my often-revised Drooble interview: https://drooble.com/ben.power

I pulled this album by accident, and have decided to re-upload it. Unfortunately, due to the subject matter as much as the state of the music industry, I cannot see it selling. Thus, might as well share it out on here, in full. A little distraction, but a serious topic.

It occurs to me to add that the American government, the British government, and the Russian government do owe Germany reparations for this gross injustice, and for much more. Perhaps they could extract that fee from the Israeli government. It would be good to observe this occurring within my lifetime.

Based on a brief morning correspondence with a friend.

A selection of my small-scale acrylics paintings, plus some digital work. I generally spend 5-8 hours on a painting, so they're knocked-out pretty quickly, and then about 3-4 hours on digital pieces. I'm thinking about embarking on some week-long paintings, on a grander scale soon. I describe my canvas art as Abstract Expressionism, although Traditional Painting does appeal also. It will be a challenge for me to re-develop my skills, and a great pleasure to attempt 'proper' Western art. I don't think that what I create is awful, only that there is much room for improvement. I haven't properly attended any Art Colleges; I just tend to teach myself through practice. I also enjoy life drawing and figure drawing, though I haven't included any of my sketches here. My self-taught musical experimentation remains a firm interest to me.

Another relentless chat with Ali was had recently. I'm just musing over it to myself briefly.

Originally recorded on: 23/08/2020

A short film I constructed, based on scenes of modern Whaling, and of the fall of empires, and featuring some of my solo-project's music.

My only thoughts as I composed this: get up, get up Ben. Do something. Beyond that, Whales do die. I consider approaching them from factory ships and gunboats unbearably cruel (I think, in a distant way, that wading into their waters, and finding them when they are there, and doing the best one could do is acceptable though, in small communities). I still do cry thinking about it, listening to this, my own composition.

I have always suspected that there are no more Narwhals left, not enough to recover at least even, but do not think of it long, as the last time I checked, and to the detail I checked and double checked to, and which may always be wrong, I wept in abject pain for over an hour without remit, and was traumatized transiently for a few days afterwards, until I pulled myself together. My girlfriend does not, and cannot - perhaps yet - know what I mean by this, and am referring to. I know people do, or at least hope so: the systematic genocide of the Western world, and the Whites who founded it, put - by the design of government, and those who control and direct government - to the tender mercies of escalating waves of incompatible foreign peoples, from the fall of Rome to the present, and with no good end in sight.

I tried to explain it in my Vore Complex song 'Chow', but that was too modern, though it may yet help out - perhaps - other people who can cope with the modern, and modernist work. I cannot, really.

A concept album of intense, synth-based Neoclassical music.

The condensed roots of my discontent.

Fraught, in a nutshell.

A few musings on a conversation with a friend.

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Created 2 months, 1 week ago.

22 videos

Category People & Family

I was in a rather inconvenient space of mind and made too many mistakes on here in the relative past, infuriating a fair few people. I'd had a severe nervous breakdown just over a year before, following some deep digging into matters relating to the Epstein case, and before that into 'Pedogate', and deeper, into high-level SRA atrocity. I thought I had recovered from it, after quite a while, but the ramifications were long-lasting. I sincerely hope that they are not permanent. Extended sleep loss and brutal nightmares, depression, nervous mania and quasi-psychotic periods would return to haunt me for many, many months afterwards, in full PTSD. Every time I relaxed and felt it had gone away, a scant few weeks later it would all kick off again and I'd sink back into madness and anger, coming on here to get away from the world as much as to share my music, as much as to learn current affairs, but ended up watching too much fresh real-world horror in my selection of channels and succumbing to the intense fear and sadness. I'd blurt out all sorts of strange glossolalia and bizarre, antisocial nonsense at times, in warped belligerence and cluelessness. The justified shame set in. First I self-quarantined my online interactions. Eventually I felt what I had contributed to be of no worth at all, really. I deleted my channel, and left in horror and annoyance at myself.

Healing oneself takes a while. Let's try again, from a better position. I hope it lasts in general. There are still damaging hiccups, even these days.

I've cut out all the superfluous crud. What remains is family diaries, mainly. I do try quite hard with my other half and my step-children. I'm sure I remain an anomaly to them though.

We shall see yet if I have anything useful to contribute to the struggle.

Also, I'd really rather like to be a better National Socialist than I am - or may come to be. I use the term Nationalist to describe myself in general, as I'm a little hesitant, and feel I require far more knowledge on the modern issues, and a better acceptance of my roles and obligations given them. The past is to be examined with sadness and horror (and great anger) but it seems to me that I am very naive, still, and prone to making gratuitous errors in my keenness to give contemporary theories a chance. I regret having been thoroughly duped by some of them. It'll take a few years of discipline yet to reach some form of moderate appreciation, I suspect - at least, I have no desire to move beyond National Socialism. It is an apogee of thought, and a very good example, for once. When I say this, I do not think - following some reading - that an emulation of NSDAP Prussian concepts is the way I would go about this, those being unique to Germany of that day (and perhaps Austria), and passed from this world with some tragedy. I have yet to construct an organic, appropriate framework of thought relevant to British understanding and my place within this nation. I remain interested in the principles set out by Adolf Hitler, from an outsider's perspective. He was right in his actions and values.

I think one of my main bugbears is having no real-life friends to discuss the issues with - and indeed no-one is left online whom I knew, for that matter. My local friends these days are all quite oblivious to it, or disdainful at best. I hope to slowly bring some of them around to it, even as I learn more myself and perhaps forge tentative connections.

I was, by baptism onward, raised as a Catholic. I have no love for the modern Church though, or for the pope, in what I watch, read and observe, or indeed for most of Christianity, bar a few trappings, although I understand the firm need for it to be present in the West, for stability. I don't know if I'll ever fully reconcile myself with my loss of faith - and faith in Christians. It's quite painful. Listening to J. Bowden, and reading works such as Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil have also impacted on me though. It does not feel possible, nor correct even if it were, to allow atheism to enter my thinking. I like The Bible for its history; Jesus' original condemnation of the Jews. However, I would very much like to deepen my spiritual understanding of traditional Solar, Nordic, and indeed Aryan belief, and move away from my Christian origins as I no longer see any real practical, transcendent value or relatable framework in modern institutional Abrahamic teachings. I reserve the right to be incorrect.

Until recently, I drank alcohol. I also smoked cigars. I have quit both detrimental habits now though, in the hope of improving myself. Personal fitness could do with improvements also and thus I have begun to train.

Hopefully my family will come to understand. I have made idiotic mistakes in my life. I don't think that this is one of them. One day, I may even be sensible over my duties, responsibilities, attitudes and understanding. Not for the moment though. Plenty left to learn.