Today’s topic is very important though it is a sensitive matter. Abuse, where does it stem from? A lot of times we grow up in abusive relationships with our parents. This abuse can be passed on to the next generation and continue in a cycle I call t…
Today’s topic is very important though it is a sensitive matter. Abuse, where does it stem from? A lot of times we grow up in abusive relationships with our parents. This abuse can be passed on to the next generation and continue in a cycle I call the chain of pain. We often are not self-aware enough to notice that the pain we suffer is not our own. What does this mean? Simply stated, hurt people hurt people. If your parents grew up with abuse, likely they will be abusive to their children unless they are able to heal their own pain.
How do we heal from abuse? The first step is to realize where the abuse came from, for example, “My fathers father was abusive,” and perhaps it goes back even further. The second step is to de-personalize the abuse, meaning, telling yourself you did nothing wrong to cause it, it was simply part of a chain reaction. The third step is learning to forgive the person who caused you the hurt. Abuse stems from self-neglect of the abuser. What I mean here is that we tend to take on others’ pain and internalize it, while neglecting our original un-hurt self. We can become very ill physically, mentally and emotionally. We can become very comfortable wearing this pain, but it is not our own. The way to end self-abuse is to heal the part of us that feels we deserve to suffer. Once we can let go of suffering, we are no longer neglecting our true being and we have decreased our chances of abusing someone else.
It is crucial to realize that as a receiver of hurt, you are a link in the chain of pain. If you want to break free of the chain, you must make a conscious decision that you no longer want to hurt. You must know without a doubt that your suffering is the result of someone else’s hurt. When you begin to see a new perspective it becomes easier to separate yourself from the chain. Ask yourself, who I am? What do I need and want for myself? Who am I without my pain? What does my life look like when I am happy and stable? We must take the attitude, “Return to sender.” The pain you took on belongs to someone else who also needs to heal his or her own hurt. Once you are able to break free of the chain you can assist others to do the same. So today I challenge you, What pain are you holding on to that came from someone else? Can you learn to forgive them over time, knowing that this pain is part of a long chain of unhealed hurt?
