When I die

When I die
Myself, ...that word ‘myself' is the problem.
That word is the problem with the whole thing, it’s not wright, it isn’t.
The body dies, cell by cell, but neurons keep on firing,
little lightning balls, as fireworks within my brain,
and I thought I would be in despair, being afraid, but it wasn’t so.
I don’t feel any of that, none if it.
Because I’m too busy with memories,
I’m too busy in this moment of dying.
I remember everything and I remember that every atom in my body is forged out of a star.
This matter, this body, is mostly empty space after all.
And solid matter ? That is only energy vibrating very slowly.
There is no me, there never was.
The electrons in my body mingle and dance with the electrons the ground below me and with the air I no longer breathing in. And I remember there is no point where this end and I begin.
I remember I am energy, not memory, not self.
My name, my choices, my personality, it all came after me.
I was before and I will be after this too.
All the rest are pictures I gathered on the way.
Fleeing little dreams edged on the tissue of my dying brain.
And I’m the lightening in between, I am the energy firing those neurons, and I’m returning.
Just by remembering I am returning back home, back where I came from, like a raindrop falling back into the ocean of what it always was a part of.
All things, one part.
All of us, a part of the same.
You, me, our parents, every one who has ever been, every plant, every animal, every atom, every star, every galaxy, … everything, all of it.
More galaxies than grain of sands on the beaches.
That is what we talk about when we mention ‘God’, the one.
The cosmos and it’s infinite infinite dreams.
We are the cosmos dreaming of itself.
It’s simply a dream, a dream of witch I think it is my life, every time over and over again.
But I forget this every time over. I always forget this actual dream.
But now in this split second, for a moment I remember and the instant I remember I understand it all.
There is no time, there is no death.
Life is just a dream, a wish.
And after this dream comes a next and a next and a next. And I’m it all.
I am all that.
I am everything.
In this moment I am dying
in the next I am all
and next I dream again an other life
I live
I am