This is Tattoo2020! Welcome to Clown City! "Mr. Roarke" is a CLUB-FOOTED LESBIAN; shir's in the cabana.
Yep - that means I'm a GIGANTIC PIECE OF ACTUALLY USEFUL FARM EQUIPMENT.
"O, LAWDY - I GOTS DE LONGINS!"
No - I don't possess an IOTA of a SLAVE MENTALITY.
I've a stroke count surpassing Larry King's wives of the TOOLS WHOM HAVE DISCOVERED THIS, ONLY AFTER BEING FOOLHARDY...so there's that...but I digress.
The DARWIN AWARDS have been announced for 2020! and we have a winner!!!
"Ayo! Hol' up, fam!" It's only June - how can you - ?
YOU THINK THERE'S A NIGGER DUMBER THAN THIS FUCKING TOOL?
I "meticulously looked this up", as Leroy would say; which means I typed "dead nigger storage" into a Google search - I really was just checking the ingredients for PURPLE DRANK
Lo, and behold - CHRIS GREEN, of Portsmouth, Virginia, is officially THE WORLD'S DUMBEST NIGGER.
I applaud your COMPLETE DIVORCE FROM LOGIC - STUNNING AND BRAVE!
Well, no one but I can know this...now, you didn't hear this from me, but it seems that the great spirits of the great men and women that have passed on actually RESIDE intermittently within these statues, and they have found it HIGHLY OFFENSIVE that, without so much as a relocation order, they find themselves without purchase in our plane of existence...unlike the SILVERBACK, spirits are picky about their accommodations.
So...imagine my UTTER SHOCK when, over my bed, one morning not long ago, the spirit of Robert E. Lee appeared above me.
I blinked.
He winked.
Hmmm...not my normal dream fare...nor gender...but let's roll with it. My undies are still...GO ON!
"NOW, LOOKEE HEAH, BW-"
"AHEM."
"BOBBY!"
"WHU THE - !"
"Yep - hey! You're in my silly ass story, so I called you, General, BOBBY. Don't blow a nut, okay, guy? What's doing? I'm trying to forget that Daisy Duke was a TRANNY..."
"DAMN YORE EYES, BWAH - SAY THAT AGIN' AND YOU DIE!!!"
"CALL ME "BWAH" AGIN' AND SING SPOOK SOPRANO!"
"SSSHHHIIIEEETTT!!!"
"Listen up - THE SOUTH WAS RIGHT."
"HOLD ON - YOU MAKIN' SENSE, BWA-; AH MEAN, SON."
"Well, I'm much obliged, General!"
"Don't get all swell-headed, there, Sunshine - no matter what, you and I are to be at cross purposes for no reason whatsoever!"
"Yes - I've determined that, as well."
"Not bad - what ah needs ta tell ya is that AH TRIED WARNING THAT THICK-HEADED BUFFOON!"
"You're kidding! Well, you clearly could see what he was thinking...can you, good sir, please give us an insight into Chris Green's last profound thoughts before you so INGLORIOUSLY HEADBUTTED HIM INTO A DARWIN GOLD?"
"AH COULDN'T BELIEVE IT - HE WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I BEFORE E COUNTS WHEN YOU SING EIEIO."
I WOKE BEFORE THE DAIN BRAMAGE SET IN PERMANENT (some may disagree 🙈🙉🙊)
Coming for the silver - the guy who tried to pull a BIDEN on an 18-wheeler.
BUT - WE HAVE A SURPRISE CATEGORY! WE DON'T HAVE A CHIRON READY!
I SAY, LET'S DO IT LIVE!
