The Dangers of "Friends With Benefits"
Eyes wide shut...
Here's a great article about the subject of FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, and how it doesn't work:
Keep Your Pants On: The Dangers of "Friends With Benefits"
By Allie Slomko
It all seems so perfect -- two friends who get along famously, never grow tired of each other, and share the exact same sense of humor one day decide to sleep together. They’re both single, both looking to have fun (i.e. get laid), and agree that casually sleeping with someone you trust is safer than picking up a drunk stranger at a bar.
If both parties aren’t looking to settle down and commit to something more serious, why wouldn’t two buds fool around?
Well, it’s because your friendship will most likely be over after a few sexy Saturday nights in bed. I know, it sounds dramatic. And although people swear up and down that they won’t get attached when entering a friends with benefits scenario, and although this next statement is one of the most cliche adages ever uttered, someone always gets hurt. They just do! One person crosses the line and begins to develop just the tiniest bit of feelings towards the other, and that’s when things fall apart.
First off, it’s much easier to become attached when you’re having sex with an actual friend. This isn’t a one-night stand with a random hottie you chatted up as the 3am “last call” was being announced at your local dive bar. That tryst will most likely feel awkward once the deed is done, and you’ll probably forget Joan’s name (or was it Jane? Jessica? Oh well...) by morning.
However, when sleeping with a friend, you don’t experience that same post-coital tension since you’re already established and comfortable with each other. There’s no need to put on a show and suppress your quirks, and you may even delight in kicking your pal out of your apartment so you can revel in the beauty of having a queen-size bed all to yourself. The one catch of this mutual ease is the unexpected way it will blend with the sexual aspect of your friendship. This formula may cause someone to start feeling vulnerable. If you like hanging out with your pal and find them attractive enough to see their naked body, how could you not develop feelings? Chums usually remain in the “friend zone” due to a lack of sexual chemistry on one part. So, if the sex is good and the friendship was there all along, one person is bound to start getting emotional.
And who gets emotional? Take one guess. Most people tend to put the blame on women, claiming it’s impossible for a chick to have a fling free of feeling. And they’re not entirely wrong. Both women and men release the hormone oxytocin during orgasm -- the same hormone mothers release when nursing and bonding with their babies -- which increases our feelings of trust and therefore, attachment. Higher levels of this hormone are present in women during sex, naturally causing females to grow emotionally closer to the temptress in their bed. I know we women don’t want to succumb to this sexist stereotype, but the chemical reactions in our bodies pretty much leave us no choice. And if a gal in a friends with benefits duo even hints at the idea of turning this into something more, that’s usually when the other person runs.
Unless you’re watching one of our culture’s modern romantic comedies. In these movies, a friends with benefits situation always turns into love. There are bumps in the road, of course, but those rough patches are only temporary scares based on fear and insecurity. And by the end of this romantic tale that confused pal comes back into the picture and the pair lives happily ever after.
Real life doesn’t always turn out this way. Movies like this poison our minds and passively trick us into believing our friendly fling will undoubtedly transform into true love.
In reality, when one party starts feeling the tingle of something more, they usually get hurt and the friendship is ruined. You can bounce back from enjoying some casual sex with your buddy, but a friendship won’t recover after a person’s feelings are denied and their emotional vulnerability rejected. There is too much pain and embarrassment at that point and unfortunately, their relationship will never be the same.
So, long story short -- don’t have sex with your friends unless you’re prepared to lose them forever. I know it sounds dramatic, but sleeping with a friend means you’ll be getting a whole lot more than you bargained for. Friends don’t let friends sleep with each other. End of story.
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