Female or Male or Both?? This is a VERY CONFUSED (Re-Re-Re)-Transitional Pontificating Chameleon

Maritza and Mark are complete opposites. Their love affair is not only with each other. They're two incomplete identities residing inside one soul. Transitioning from female to male , multiple times, has brought Maritza to a face smacking awakening of the reality that she has sealed her gender identity permanently, into a mixed up, confused existence, she will never be able to reverse satisfactorily.
She has bathed herself with testosterone, (male hormone) injections for seventeen years and several times tried to re-transition back to a female, only to discover that she can not successfully return to presenting herself as a female because of the massive growth of body and facial hairs that have come to stay. She can never be free of the male hair growth or her masculine persona, both of which, she created and embraced full as she reinforced for herself a dichotomy that is now pretty much endless .
There is no happiness or sense of being centered, for Maritza ever again.
Life has become a mere attempt at trying to make the best of the ''mess'' she has become.
Fitting in with females and other males will never be realized for Maritza. Mark has taken over in ways she did not anticipate.
She's permanently sealed her existence stuck between both genders. Maritza has forever locked her expressions of confusion about transitioning and Christianity in a vacuum that discredits her, entirely!
Unfortunately, there is no ''center'' or foundation of truth within her.
She's so confused & LOST!
It's honestly very sad that she didn't take Maritza's insight to heart with some stick-to-it-tiveness!