Biden as Sir Joseph

Joseph Biden as Sir Joseph in Gilbert & Sullivan's HMS Pinafore

When I was a lad, I lived in Scranton
As office son of a used car sales man
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handles of the old car doors.

He polished up the handle of the big car door.
I polished up the handles so carefully
That now I am President of the USA!

He polished up that handle so carefully,
That now he is President of the USA!
At Catholic School I made such poor marks
That they only passed me in the Football park
I schmoozed my friends with a smile so bland,
And I copied all their home work in a Biden hand.

He copied all their home work in a Biden hand.
I copied all their papers with Plagiary
And now I am President of the USA!
He copied all the papers with plagiary.
That now he is President of the USA!
Not serving in uniform in Viet Nam
A Draft Deferrer I soon became;
I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit
To pass the Bar Exam at Syracuse.

Pass Bar examination at Syracuse.
I barely passed, but did well for me,
And now I pick Supreme Court nominees

He barely passed, but did well for he,
That now he picks Supreme Court nominees

Of illegal knowledge I acquired a stock tip
for the Trans Pacific Partnership .
That TP partnership, I mean,
Was the only ship that I had ever seen.

Was the only ship that he ever had seen.
But that kind of ship so suited me,
That now I am the ruler of US Navy

But that kind of ship so suited he,
That now I'm Commander of Military!

I grew so rich that I was sent
by Big Bank Lobbyists to The Senate
I always voted at my party's call,
And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.
He never thought of thinking for himself at all.

I thought so little, they rewarded me
as Vice President of the USA!

He thought so little, they rewarded he
as Vice President of the USA!
Now landsmen all, whoever you be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered as a Chinese tool
Be careful not get caught breaking voting rules.

Be careful to get caught breaking voting rules.
Stick closed in your basement and no one see
And you all may be President of USA!
Stick closed is basement and never people see,
And you'll be President of the USA!