Like some of the questions I deal with on this channel the question of "wife-beating" is an emotive topic.
I set out here my understanding of the verse at 4:34 and the reasons for that understanding so that those who wish to know my position on this question may have an easy-to-go-to resource.
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My note to 4:34 reads:
"Arabic: ḍaraba. Various imaginative interpretations of this instance of this word exist, particularly among more intelligent and Qur'an-focused Muslims. Their efforts notwithstanding, the verb ḍaraba still does mean to beat or spank or strike and in the context here there is little else that it could mean.
Naturally, this single sentence can be wrest from its context and made much of by people who feel that they benefit from so doing. I leave such people to enjoy whatever it is they think they gain from their activities. We all go to God.
My position is this: the judicious spanking of a recalcitrant wife has been practiced by husbands who wished to achieve and maintain domestic harmony since time immemorial. It is recommended in the medieval Russian Orthodox handbook Домострой (Domostroi), for example, and was practiced commonly in both ancient and later Western culture prior to the moral degradation which began in earnest following WWI and then with accelerated force following WWII.
However, wife-spanking is still practiced today quite widely within certain Christian circles, and information attesting to its efficacy and value within both religious and non-religious households is not difficult to find.
Contemporary liberals will be outraged by these facts, just as they are outraged by most facts. The high divorce rates, confusion of roles, demonstrable dysfunction, moral relativity and celebration of blatant perversion which are standard fare among the victims of Cultural Marxism serve as an indication of the extent to which one should be guided by such people.
Some women prefer a man who is forceful – they simply do. If a woman has grown up with a father who is strict, it will be difficult for her to respect a man who lets her manipulate or belittle him.
In addition, many married couples attest to the fact that when the man takes full charge of his wife it both saves the marriage and infuses it with vital energy and commitment.
In the Qur’anic context, one must not forget that this verse is directed to those who heed warning (see 4:29). Both parties accept the Qur'an and have access to it. The woman will know that if she pushes the man far enough he must – in keeping with the Qur'an – respond eventually as outlined at 4:34.
She can, of course, initiate separation proceedings at any time. If she has not done so and has pushed her husband beyond admonishment and separate sleeping arrangements, it is reasonable to assume that she is in tacit agreement with what is to follow.
As intelligent, reasonable people of good will we can take it for granted that actual crimes against the person are to be responsibly prosecuted; if we are not intelligent, reasonable people of good will, our primary problems reside there and not in the quality of the guidance we are given."
My comment at the end of the book reads:
"The Qur’an lists remedial applications in the case of a marriage which is going wrong. The last resort among these remedial applications is for the husband to spank the wife. Some choose now not to read this passage in this way under modern pressures, but the context and the Arabic are clear enough.
Naturally, some would see this as a barbaric abuse of a woman’s rights. And people who think this way may take solace in the fact that within a Qur’anic marriage the woman is at all times aware of her rights: she knows the list of remedial applications should she treat her husband with contempt and – should that list be initiated – where the couple are on that list and what comes next.
Also, naturally, she has the right to initiate divorce at any time before this last stage is reached.
For those who do not consider a man’s exercise of undiluted mastery over his wife anathema to the natural order, the woman has the right – should she wish to exercise it – to remain within the marriage and indirectly require her husband to take charge.
This is within a broader legal context where outright violence against someone who has done no violence to you is itself a crime requiring equal requital."
