10 January 2021 Call-In
I was born and grew up in eastern Ontario throughout the 90s/2000s. I was very blessed in my early years to be cared for by loving parents and receive the opportunities that I did. Too much of my time as a teenager was spent rebelling, playing in punk rock bands, chasing girls, and/or selling various illegal substances.
After working for a federal bank as a credit account manager, for nearly 5 years following high school, I ventured further into the developing cannabis trade circa 2013. Initially, I assisted patients with acquiring licenses from various physicians, submitting paperwork to Health Canada, and setting up/providing ongoing assistance with their personal production. I then moved on to working at both licit, and illicit, cannabis production/processing/distribution operations. Just prior to the recreational legalization of cannabis in 2018, I sold everything I owned and ventured across the country (without any particular destination) to find both a new position in the cannabis trade and somewhere to feel genuinely at home.
Following years of mild success in my trade, I decided to pursue a train conductor position. During my final interview, I met a woman who changed my life. She was interviewing for the same position and we would eventually come to court throughout our training. As opposed to moving on to my terminal, I came back to my city - where I had no car, job, or place to live - with the intention of pursuing my dreams of starting a family with her and making a proper return to the cannabis trade. Within a week, I had found a deal on a used vehicle, rented a new apartment, and found a position helping build a licensed cannabis production/processing facility.
In her own words: "it's not that something doesn't feel right, it's that I don't know if I can feel any more". We were strained from "taking the black pill" too soon, having lived a life where your maturity/responsibilities are not reflective of your age, being torn between self and communal service in life, misplaced degenerative guilt relative to our struggles with faith, and several further nuanced occurrences regarding our families. I kept trying to pretend like we could make things work between our hectic schedules and eventually found us separated. I spiraled drinking again for a while (I do not remember the majority of March 2020 through May 2020) and then put myself back together with renewed/progressing goals. That led to her brief (yet extremely unplanned) return, that has since knocked me off-kilter again as we went through this odd - "it's still not time for us to be together and I still don't know if we are supposed to be if this is really...real" - experience before separating yet again...
I've been very much alone since this past August and, while I am still in pursuit of my goals, life is now a struggle more than ever. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my experiences in an open forum with you so that myself, and others, might gain perspective as to the matters my life touches on.
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