Have you ever noticed that, sometimes, a certain celebrity seems ever so slightly off? Maybe its an errant beauty mark or the fact that their eyelids have begun to blink sideways. You can feel in your heart that something’s just not right. That’s because your darling idol is dead.
Don’t worry, though, because before they were killed, your favorite celebrity was cloned. Which means that unlike Paul McCartney (who was simply replaced with a lookalike), countless incarnations of your dearly departed could be walking among us for centuries to come.
But how do we know this? Why would anyone let this happen? And am I okay? As far as the first two are concerned, a man named Donald Marshall has the answers. The latter is anyone’s guess.
Queen Elizabeth, the Clone-Loving
As he revealed on Facebook in 2011, Donald Marshall, a clone himself, is an otherwise normal guy who had the bad luck of finding himself in a so-called “cloning station” run by Queen Elizabeth. When Marshall was born, his family was already living in the cloning center. Yet in all his writings and interviews, he never specifies exactly why his family lived in this clandestine Illuminati palace in the first place. Details, details.
Still, Marshall’s discussions on the matter have been extensive. A Google search for “Donald Marshall cloning” brings up about 230,000 different results, many of which weren’t even written by Marshall himself. Nearly every clone-related conspiracy blog out there has discussed him or his tale, and it’s hard to find a video that makes mention of celebrity cloning without alluding to some aspect of the Donald Marshall canon.
The basics of his story (which do occasionally shift) go something like this: During his time at the cloning station, Marshall discovered that the entire operation is run by a collective consisting of the Freemasons, a group called “The Vril Society,” and of course, Scientologists. This secret society super-group is what we know today as the ever-elusive Illuminati.
Members of the Illuminati (which naturally include all the G20 world leaders) typically meet in subterranean bunkers. The very same bunkers that, according to Marshall, house what has become a highly lucrative network of celebrity cloning farms.
The cloning part of the operation didn’t actually start until some time after World War II, at which point, and as Marshall explains in his Facebook post,
“The political people started bringing movie stars and musicians there to hang around with them, they can control who remembers the cloning facility and who will remain oblivious even though not remembering still damages you.”
Some of these clones are used for mere entertainment value (gladiator-style wrestling bouts, sexual perversions, Illuminati ritual sacrifices, what have you). Others are kept as precautionary measures should the clone’s original ever need a new liver. If you saw 2005 sci-fi flick The Island, you already know exactly what I’m talking about—because in a fit of hubris, The Island was produced by none other than the Illuminati themselves.
Organ harvesting is the least of your worries as a clone, though. In his original tell-all Facebook post , Marshall explained:
“The royal family of England,… yes Queen Elizabeth, Phillip Duke of Edinburgh and Prince Charles are the worst of them, unbelievable depraved perverts all showing off for the celebrities that go there, Elizabeth has the children there call her “lillibet” and does ungodly things to them, some she fakes being nice to, some she is terrible to, cutting them with swords while they scream, the decent people that are there against their will are afraid to say anything against them, most have their children there as a kind of hostage, to be torn apart if they even think of informing anyone, but as they have been torturing me terribly anyway I will tell all, Vladimir Putin loves to put the fear of torture and death into people but is essentially a cowardly pervert himself.
Most of the famous people are ashamed to speak or be seen by me there very much,as they’re ashamed of the perverse and disgusting gatherings, I am a decent person and will not participate in these acts, so they use me as an example and torture me for my being a good person.”
Just like with twins or Real Dolls, if you torture a person’s clone, the original will feel it and might even undergo physical damage. Each new clone decreases your mental capacity, as well, so the more clones made, the easier that person is to hurt or subdue. Two of Queen Elizabeth’s favorite pastimes.
And as all the pros know, if you really want to keep someone under your thumb, all you have to do is kill the original copy. Clones are notoriously obedient, which apparently comes in handy when you need them to churn out hit single after hit single. Don’t take my word for it, just ask Avril‘s clone—or any of the other high profile clones below.
Britney Spears
Britney Spears is dead.
