Outlaw Conservative

Bipartisanship, it has been said, is a euphemism for double penetration. Whenever the stupid party and the evil party agree on a piece of legislation, you know something really terrible is about to occur.

Ladyface resides at the intersection of gender, sexuality, and mental illness. It runs no risk of being humorous or enjoyable, sterilizes the participants, incurs a coin toss suicide rate, and invariably results in the victimization of children. These are high value traits in a cultural phenomenon to the people who want to destroy mankind, so ladyface is promoted as a protected class, conveniently tacked onto the end of the LGB scheme, just before the catchall Q, and soon to be followed by P.

It’s a difficult time to be a Democrat. Elizabeth Warren got exposed as an affirmative action fraud. Ralph Northam got exposed as a blackface repeat offender, and liar. Justin Fairfax got exposed as a rapist, also with a recidivism problem. If this keeps up, their accusations of racism and sexism might lose some of their power, and that would completely doom the Democrat Party, which is utterly lacking in substance and vision.

Here at the Radical Agenda, we began with a seething hatred for Leftists. Their policies were destructive even back then, to be sure, but we were purposely engaging in a bit of hyperbole at the time when we declared them a threat to the survival of the species. The extremist elements of the Democrat Party were not taken very seriously back then, and were mostly just an annoyance to other fringe movements, like libertarianism, which they were perpetually trying to infiltrate.

Back then, in the good ole days of 2015, Medicare for all was still a fringe Bernie Sanders idea which allowed Hillary Clinton to sound like the voice of reason. Abortion was something they wanted to protect, not celebrate. Immigration was something most Democrats would much rather nobody thought about. They obviously hated White heterosexual males, but they made some token effort to disguise this as a struggle for equality. Climate change pseudoscience was an excuse for new taxes, but not a fictional new economic model. Everybody understood that trannies were insane.

That was before the revolution, which progressed along a course directly opposite the election.

It has been quite a week since we last spoke, fellow outlaws. The communists have devised a biological weapon which took me out of commission over the weekend, rendering me incapable of doing my uncensored production on Monday. Either that, or I caught the flu. I am inclined to believe the latter, but I have learned from my study of our enemy that one should never attribute to chance, that which can be explained by treason.

In either case, I am back to about 80% of my power level today, and I am glad to have the chance to speak with you. Last we spoke, I brought to you a recording from the People’s Democratic Republic of Virginia. An enemy stronghold which held me captive for eleven months, and to this day holds some of our best men as prisoners of this war. On that recording, you heard our ruthless and terrible foe advocate the murder of infants, and by this I do not mean the routine slaughter our federal government subsidizes to the tune of half a billion dollars a year, but rather the celebratory rise of a new frontier in depravity.

Christmas was over a month ago, but with snow on the ground here in the Granite State, and Democrats dropping gifts on conservatives daily, we here at the Outlaw Conservative feel like breaking out the egg nog and celebrating.

Since the age requirement of presidential candidates is one of few articles of our constitution the Left has not yet managed to subvert, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez will not be running for President next year. In her stead, Kamala Harris has taken up the banner for the diversity first wing of the Democrat Party. Like Cortez, she builds upon this coalition by appealing to the economically illiterate.

Her “Medicare for all” proposal sounds good on its face to the uninitiated. “Free health care” is a literal no brainer. If you don’t think about it, it’s fantastic. Everybody likes free stuff, and it’s hard to think of anything more valuable than lifesaving medicine produced and practiced by the greatest minds the world has to offer.

Back when I was a libertarian, I was focused like a laser beam on restraining government authority. Debating the merits of such and such a policy was thus beyond the scope of my tactics in many cases. Instead, my fellow subversives and I found certain points of resistance common to most policies, and piled on the pressure at those focal points to achieve our desired outcomes in arguments.

The most common one of course, went directly to the libertarian axiom of non-aggression. Whatever policy anyone ever wanted to implement in government was inherently wicked because it necessarily involved some coercive element, even if it was something so innocuous as that it was funded by taxation. “Only a moral outcast would use VIOLENCE to achieve their desired social outcome! You Statist!”

If the target was not swayed by this borderline pacifist moral posturing, the remarkable efficiency of the free market would surely finish the job in most cases. It did not matter if the topic at hand was health care or police departments, privatization was the answer to everything. This tactic was clearly useless in debating leftists, since their wanton lust for failure made them hostile to the very concept of a coherent economic system, but you could sway a good number of conservatives this way on most topics. Like Mitt Romney, most of us like being able to fire people who do a bad job, and there never exists any shortage of government failures to point out, when making the case for market provision of services.

There was one notorious impediment to our propagandizing that many libertarians found challenging to overcome. It was so universal that all libertarians pondered the best way to respond to it. This obstacle to our anti-State agenda was not buried in a philosophy book or some article of the founding documents, but something far more universal and inseparable from the human condition. Our challenge in penetrating this barrier was neither in the complexity of the issue at hand, nor the character limit on Twitter. Indeed it was only three small words which one could find in the vocabulary of any pre-schooler. Were it not for this simple, universal, freedom obliterating phrase, statues of Ayn Rand would surely replace those of MLK, and you could shop around for police departments like you do for car insurance.

“For the Children!”

Oh, how we hated those three little words. Here we are trying to create a market Utopia, and you sheeple are talking about dependent little brats who can’t even sign contracts yet.

Welcome to the first live airing of The Outlaw Conservative Podcast, a political talk radio show which, as the name implies, is of a conservative slant. The Outlaw bit might seem to stand in stark contrast to conservatism, and we confess to being amused with ourselves for coming up with it.

Yet, an outlaw is not necessarily a nefarious actor these days. Is he?

In a healthy society, “Outlaw Conservative” would be an outrageous contradiction. Why would a conservative live outside the law? That would seem rather at odds with his more authoritarian tendencies.

Fortunately for those conservatives who may be eager to romanticize the outlaw lifestyle, I am not suggesting banditry here, but rather finding oneself in such a state that the law no longer reflects his interests, or those of his people. You might do everything you are told, and yet you are punished by the law itself.


Created 1 year, 1 month ago.

8 videos


The Outlaw Conservative is a live, open phones right wing talk show.