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"I feel like I'm watching people be led to slaughter, but there's nothing I can do to stop it." That was my answer to a patient who is having worsening arrhythmias after choosing to have several of the "safe and effective" interventions who asked why I seemed sad.
After 20 years as a family physician, I'm realizing how much I've been lied to about medications, vaccines, ethics, and the very idea that modern medicine is focused on preserving life.
As a Christian I'm realizing that my hope of "winning" this battle is misunderstanding the whole thing. God IS still in control, and if He is allowing this to continue He must have a reason.
So, I'm changing my focus.
Thoughts on why our response to COVID was so wrong. Recorded July 13, 2020 by me - a family physician who was heartbroken by the lies and false focus then. It's even worse now, but the risks for NOT caring are even higher than the risks of continuing to care. So, I will continue to care. As hard as it is, regardless of whether people listen to me or not. Until I am no longer allowed to do so. Or until I am no longer here.
"Loving people and being involved in their lives requires risk"
Angry, hurt and overwhelmed? As a family physician, I'm having lots of conversations with others who are feeling the same, and I think we NEED to talk about how hard this is, how angry we are, and how sad this world is. We may not be able to change it, but sometimes the very act of sharing our own struggles helps others know they are not alone. There IS hope and joy, but we can't find them if we're not transparent about how angry and sad we are first.
Jeremiah 29 has much more than just one verse in it, but that one verse (Jeremiah 29:11), has been both a source of tremendous comfort and an incredibly misunderstood quote. During the 18th week of our study on Jeremiah, I got to preach about chapter 29. This is my first sermon to a church, though I have taught middle school and high school students many times. May God be glorified in this, and may He use it to remind us all that He loves us and DOES have plans for us, but they are both more amazing and more complicated than we could have imagined.
The holidays can be tough, and there's so much pressure to be HAPPY, but so many of us are just NOT happy. What do we do with that?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus as quoted by Matthew.
Earlier today someone who was really trying to help encouraged me to stay joyful, and I honestly couldn’t. I needed to cry & grieve a bit first. Now that I have, I can feel the peace that I know leads to joy, but I needed to be sad and angry first. If you’re struggling with being so much less than “joyful” please know that this is OKAY. Real peace and joy don’t come from denying or ignoring the pain and sorrow, but God will meet you IN the hard stuff if you’re willing to come to Him.
The Federal requirements regarding the emergency use authorization for the Pfizer and Moderna COVID-19 vaccines require all recipients to have access to the information provided in the “Factsheet For Recipients and Caregivers.” In this video a family physician explains what those forms say to ensure her patients who are considering whether or not to get the vaccines can make an informed choice.
As a family physician who understands how privileged I am to be part of people's lives, I take the responsibility of caring for my patients very seriously. Along with my husband, Dr. Timothy Allen, we want to serve our patients and our community with a focus on two primary values: patient autonomy and informed consent. As independent physicians we have more opportunity than those who are employed to speak about issues that run counter to the commonly held narratives, and we feel ethically compelled to share concerns about issues that are not being presented transparently to our patients so that they can make informed choices about their own health care.
I can pretty much guarantee you that any question you might have about me or what I say is one I have already considered. I question myself and everything I hear because I want to find out what the truth is, if any. Who am I?. What value so I have, if any? How have my experiences compared to others? What is my role in life?. How am I doing at that role - whatever it is? Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing? How can I tell?
I strive to be loving, self-examined, willing to change my mind, scientifically consistent, non-political, evidence-based, free of bias based on any personal gain, kind, friendly, compassionate, and motivated by a sincere desire to help others. I am also fully aware that I am a screw up in so many ways it is hard to count.
The only reason I have hope and peace in this life is because I have questioned the existence of god, the idea of anything being actually true, the role of faith, how science and the math and the order of the physical world intersects with even the idea of there being a spiritual world, the exclusivity of certain claims, and whether any of that should impact me or my life. My conclusion? Jesus was real, and He is proof that the God of the Bible actually loves me even though I don't deserve it. Good news - He loves you, too. I guarantee it. He might not like all that you are doing, but you, yourself? He loves you and would like nothing more than for you to love Him back. But that's your choice, not mine. I am a disaster who has earned her way to separation from God, and I can assure you that His love is amazing, and - because I have received His love - I get the joy of loving others.