Everywhere I go that Fecking penguin's following me... Do I look like I got fish? No!.. And even if I did I wouldn't give him none!.. He'll have to wrestle me for em! Penguins dont do MMA I know it for a fact! .. But they can open a coconut with their beaks! That's nuthink! I can open coconuts just by looking at em! What was it that Salvador Dali once said 'ze coconut iz round nd hairy like my balls!'.. Indeed!


Start the year as one means to go on..

Predictions for the coming decade

A message from Santa this Christmas

... Or are they Elves?

No Mexicans were harmed in the making of this video

Oh Dear... ism

Not a song of victory nor of defeat. Not a song of loss or of hope. But a song sung by all from a time greater than now but also more terrible.

I'm Michael Caine I am, I know that alright ... Bill Bailey, wont you please come home!

Election Special!!

Our 'how to be a youtube star' series continues with a Maoist shaming circle type criticism. People being themselves, that's what it's all about. But how to be yourself? Now there's the rub. Try too hard and it comes across as inauthentic, too little and it's just not show bizzy enough. Funny, how the internet has turned people into parodies of themselves. 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players' so said the great bard, and he should know! Maybe I'm hiding something, below the thick as a plank exterior lies a brooding menacing thinker that wishes to preserve his inner being from public view. Or maybe I'm afraid that people will see that I'm just an insecure Herbert from a council estate who misses his mum and thinks he's dumb? Who cares? No one watches anyway! And if they did, well that's a problem I'll deal with in the unlikely event it happens. What's fame anyway, better notoriety, better obscurity, for in that dream what dreams may come... Hang on that's Shakespeare again! Arrrgh! But hell, it's not about being yourself at all, it's about playing at being yourself, another self. Just as we all have many dimensions to our characters so then can we exaggerate one side for effect. We play ourselves everyday, we need an escape, sometimes we need to be someone else for a change... Now look what all this Maoist shaming has done to me! Ah Ha I'm a self indulgent actor, great! And what have weasels got to do with it? I don't mind criticism, tear me apart and I'll laugh and join in! But never call me a weasel, a hedgehog or a mince pie!

The Future

London in the Dark Age: When people being slaughtered on the street seems to be nothing more than an excuse for the media and leaders to promote diversity, then something is very wrong.

Starring Jayne Mansfield with George Lazenby and Joan of Arc.
When men were boys and women were buxom. When Joan of Arc was the role model for girls and men rode the skies on golden bananas. When cats were .. Cats and fish were fish. Now that's my idea of socialist utopia.

No Cows!


Photo Montage after Jacques Louis David 'Napoleon Crossing The Alps' 1805.

Modified by TELECASTUS November 2019.

Notes: I have been making photo montage (which I more often term photo collage) since the late 1970's. Influenced by Punk Fanzines and Jamie Reid's collage work for the Sex Pistols. Later, I found the Situationists et al and through them DaDa, Surrealism and Futurism. The work of John Heartfield, Hannah Hoch, Kurt Schwitters, Rodchenko etc. I was also influenced by Terry Gilliam's animations and Peter Kennard.

Pretty much all the artists named above we could call 'Leftists' and it was the left that dominated the culture wars through the late 20th century. The pioneers like Man Ray were superseded by the advertising industry which co opted the techniques of Surrealism and thus 'Recuperated' what had been a radical and revolutionary technique.

The Situationists came up with the term 'Detournement' to describe the 'inversion' of meaning created by processes like montage. It fitted well into their idea of the 'Spectacle' which in a nut shell is life mediated through and by media.

'Plagiarism is necessary, progress implies it..' So said the 19th century radical underground mystic 'Lautremont.' This phrase became quite a rallying call for the Surrealist movement and the Avant Garde groups it spawned.

But the Revolution failed, failed to live up to its own expectations. Contemporary Art drifted into a kind of radical conformism and eventually a conceptual cul de sac. Those little subversive publications of the Situationists and before them DaDaists saw their last fruition during the Xerox stapled fanzines of the Punks.

The Left drifted in PC and identity politics and lost its creative edge in the process.

Meme's became the new currency of the digital spectacle. The meme artists have created the kind of havoc the old revolutionaries would really have appreciated, even though the meme wars come from a different perspective. The point is that the techniques developed throughout the 20th century are still viable.

For me, it is time to do something with more weight. For me meme's are not my thing, good though they are, rather I feel it's time to get my scissors out and start to re imagine, re arrange and re order the spectacle around me so as to make some sense out of it.

I miss the glue, the scalpel and the photo copier, I don't intend to blend things so they appear to be reality (a trap too many fall into with photo shop). It is the line between things that's important, but having said that the images must work as a whole.

Meaning has been lost to art. It has degenerated into what appear to be snappy one liners for the cognoscenti. The everyday person can no longer find joy or pleasure or knowledge in the art of today. This must be rectified!

A new decade should have a new radical and deep symbolic art.
An art that salutes its forbears but which is not afraid to liberate meaning from the prison in which it has become caged.

I can only do what I can do. I claim no ability for being original. But I do notice a lack of credible artists coming out of the culture wars raging around us. POP art sure, video art yes, and that's important, but where are todays masters? Where are the static paintings and pictures we can stare at in wonder and which cause us to daydream, to take us to different worlds, to the possible and the impossible?

So, I offer a start, at least for myself, and a humble bugle call in the dull bland night, the vacuum of fine art in the west..

Telecastus November 2019

Special Promo Music Video!!

I could've been somebody!.. But now I'm just the ghost in the cupboard.. Tel loses his hat and suffers a nervous breakdown whilst thinking he's an undercover Irishman! Neurologically challenged Stef moves in for the kill whilst thinking he's 75% Polish! The old monks go swimming in the party punch and the spirit of the ancient art school haunts the corridors and forests of the old country...

The plastic bag conspiracy, plastic straws and Hegelian neo Marxist Post Modern Environmental sadism, hemp powered computers and Demons in the toilet

If the world's gonna end tomorrow then I wont need to pay my credit card debt! Anyway what has humanity ever done for us? Is it worth it? I mean if saving the earth means eating raw turnips in a wattle n daub hut whilst a patriotic army of environmentalists wanders about beating us with sticks for transgressions such as; cooking, heating, drinking water or using mules for transport.. Is it bloody worth it? Let's go down in a big ball of righteous fire! Free the psyche, let the universe decide!

Psychic Rebellion continues with; psychedelic salmon, ghost bears, mad Mounties, fairies, Leprechauns, hedgehogs, paranormal penguins, psychic turnips

Another verbalised adventure going boldly where no duck (or goose) has gone before...

There are some things that are archetypal, things that come up again and again as though they're buried deep in the collective unconscious. And one of these reoccurring archetypes is the 'kebab apocalypse' which has aroused both fury and indignation over countless thousands of years. You know how it is, one too many down the pub and grab a kebab on the way home. Staggering along with nose to the pitta bread and next thing WALLOP! You get sucker punched by a hoodie on a mini bicycle. Lamb and salad flies everywhere and you're down on the floor fighting the hoodie mercenary for possession of what's left. He doesn't want your phone, oh no, neither your money nor your rather trendy Nikes. No, he wants that kebab and to get it one of you must die. It's been going on since the Bronze Age and it'll probably go on forever, wherever both man and kebab come into close contact.

I was wandering through Aldi picking up a few things; eggs, weetabix and cabbage (which together make a tasty meal) and I bumped into Davros. He's the ultimate Dalek leader. He was there looking for pickled onions and getting furious cos they only had the sweet ones not the sour sharp ones. I told him to calm down but he exterminated me! Bugger! No worries, Stef has built a Dalek eradication weapon from sticky back plastic and washing up liquid bottles. Revenge will be nigh!


Created 2 years, 4 months ago.

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Magic Realism