Don't Eat Babies - A Public Health Announcement for Witches (poem)

Don’t Eat Babies
A Public Health Announcement for Witches

"There now follows A Public Health Announcement for Witches."

We the Government of the United Kingdom,
Address the Witches to impart our wisdom,
We understand your issues, dear ladies,
But with that in mind ... Don't eat babies.

Now we know that babies look delicious,
Tender, plump and quite nutritious,
But don't fall for the hype,
Because those babies are not ripe.

Try to avoid babies in the main,
Although it goes against the grain,
Don't serve them up with lizard eggs,
Don't gnaw upon their bandy legs.

A toddler can cook up alright,
But a baby keeps you up all night,
Trust the science ... without exception,
Babies will give you indigestion.

Dinner parties? You won't be disgraced,
With any meat that's not plant based,
For something simple, and a bit plainer,
A surly teenager is a no-brainer.

Try a vintage baby if you can,
But this in truth, it's just an old man.
Or an old woman, they are both divine,
If consumed with enough wine.

Thinking of doing a Baby Fondue?
Fon-don't do that I'm telling you.
Please push back the witchy stereotype,
Because those babies are not ripe.

So I take my leave, you can't take it back,
I have today's date in my almanac.
I say tally-ho, because very soon,
I must be away before the full moon.

Let's all pull together, and there-unto,
We can avoid this hellish hullabaloo.
May your familiars be fiendish, and your nights a fright,
But don't eat babies, 'cos babies ain't ripe.