I Read The News

I Read The News

To the tune of Barry Manilow’s “I Write the Songs”

You see me on the boob tube
Sponsored by drugs for the old.
I’ve made my faustian bargain.
I am well paid,
And I read the news.

I read the news that tells you how you should think.
I read the news and then I take a strong drink.
I read the news that they permit you to know.
I read the news, I read the news.

My job is very simple.
That is to be blindly believed,
So when you hear my smooth recitation,
You won’t know that you’ve been deceived.

I read the news that tells you how you should think.
I read the news and then I take a strong drink.
I read the news that they permit you to know.
I read the news, I read the news.

Oh, my reading is very soothing; they don’t pay me big money for nothing.
I can make you think I really mean what I say.
My news fills your mind, so nothing else you can find.
It’s for you, it’s from me.
Here is what you can’t see:
It’s for wholesale trickery.

I read the news that tells you how you should think.
I read the news and then I take a strong drink.
I read the news that they permit you to know.
I read the news, I read the news.

I read the news that tells you how you should think.
I read the news and then I take a strong drink.
I read the news that they permit you to know.
I read the news, I read the news.

I am well paid, and I read the news.