EDDIE GRIFFIN: THE BLACK MAN’S BIBLE (God, Jesus, Mose, Pharaoh, Lot's, Adam Eve, Rock & Roll, 1994)

https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/comedy/eddie-griffin-bible-negro-version-transcript/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho4vq4UPT9w
Then there was Adam and Eve. Mmm! You know, Adam must have been real fucked up, man, before god made Eve, because there’s no pussy. He walking around the garden butt naked, jacking off, naming shit. Madder than a motherfucker! “This shit ain’t right!” “Tree!” “Giraffe!” “Birds! “I’ll name y’al. Individually later. I’m tired.” Look at the professional jack-offs that know that thumb action. “Water come out this thing, but it won’t go down. Kind of tingle right there.”

You know, god must have been up in heaven tripping. “Damn. What the hell did I forget? “I got the trees, the air, the water. “This N i g g e r keep holding his dick. “Something missing! “Goddamn, N i g g e r! What the hell did you forget? “Aw, damn! Oh, no! All right. All right. All right.” “Hey, Adam!”0 “Yeah?” “Got something for you.” “Is it going to make this go down?” “Oh, it’ll handle it. It’ll handle it. Going to cost you a rib.” “A rib?” “Go on and do what you got to do. Do what you got to do!” [Grunting] “shit. You didn’t say it was going to hurt.” “Now, roll over and see what you got.” “She’s got lumps on her chest.” “I’m going to call you Eve “yeah. “Oohh!t ahh!” [Sniffiog] “we ain’t going to do that yet. That smells like that thing I call fish.” “Hey, she got hair, but she ain’t got no thing.” “Oh, you like that? “Ahh! “Ughh! Ughh!” “It ain’t that bad.” “Yours go in, and mine’s come out. “Open your legs. Leave them open!” “Come here. Bend over.” “Ah-ha! Hi-yah!” “Let me go!” And that’s how fucking was born.