A man loses himself in melancholic euphoria.
Log on Leterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/film/november-1/
Track on Trakt: https://trakt.tv/movies/november-988422
I am sick with grief, but I have not lost anything at all.
I was my first victim. Perhaps my only victim. I never liked the light from the moment it first touched me. I wept for months, but the light persisted all the same.
The world never made sense. I thought those around me fools. Why would anyone yearn for anything other than solitude? Was I blind?
Humanity never caught my eye, but I was keen to be caught. A facade was born from my vacant dreamscape.
Obsession ate me whole. I thought myself gone. But I was regurgitated, a shell of the masquerade that preceded me.
Ambition is a disease; I am sick with want, yet I have no clarity. No prize in sight. My greatest adversaries are not other beings, but my own thoughts.
Desire is illusionary; a temporary state. That did not stop me from giving myself entirely to take what I coveted. But I no longer wanted.
No connection. No understanding. No spark. I threw myself into nothingness, but oblivion refused me.
Unexpected fixations are the most dangerous of all. Especially when they talk back. They plunge you into madness. Then they fade away.
My dear friend, I do not know that you exist. My dreams are made of thorns; they routinely bleed me dry. You have hurt me more than you could possibly imagine.
I packed up pieces of me into a box and I sent it far away. I never saw it again. Now I am no longer whole. A part of my hollow self is missing.
I wish I were a cruel man. Maybe then I could muster up a chuckle. But despite appearances, I do not possess such a capacity.
I am a compulsive liar. But worse yet, I am an unrelenting hypocrite. I claim to value truth and honesty above all else. My worst crime is that I am a cheat. I tease Lady Despair, I dangle myself in front of her. But my heart is already enslaved by perseverance.
Fear of the end forces me to..
