Transcript:
0:47 - 1:06 Every pasty motherfucker down in Christville liked Christ a little too much. But the Grinch hated Christians, how they beat their kids with chains and stuff. Now, the Christians said "That old Grinch, he's got Down's," so the church kicked his ass out the north side of town."
1:31 - 1:49 Even though he got to flash his tight ass shoes, he stood there on Christmas hating Jesus [pronounced Hay-soos]. It could be perhaps that his ass was too tight. It could be his small dick wasn't cumming just right.
1:53 - 2:00 But the most likely reason of all may have been that the Christians killed everyone who didn't speak English.
2:15 - 2:50 So he stood there, staring down from his man-cave, with a sour Grinchy fart. He knew they were hanging anyone who sat this Christmas out. "And they're hanging their Atheists, their Wiccans, their Jews. Christmas is coming, I know just what they'll do! All the fuckers down in Christville will kiss and they'll finger. They'll spank their cum-bloopers, they'll blow their Who-dinglers, they'll whack trees up their twats. They'll whiz with their pricks!"
2:56 - 3:24 "And they'll have 53 kids 'cause Christians don't wrap their dicks! And the more kids they have, then the more Christians there'll be! All the more slaves to some fake deity!" Besides, his religion, Who-di-ism, was so much better. It made him more righteous, the ladies much wetter! For he knew in the year 3007, a great Grinchy ship came down from the heavens.
4:11 - 4:53 And for many, many years, the Grinches and the Whos lived just fine together, never a feud. But then one day... a small Who got an awful thought. He stared at the sky and said "I am God." So they took some wood, they took some black thread, and they tied a big crown of thorns on the top of his head. And the last thing he said: "If we can't find God, we make one instead!"
4:54 - 5:12 What happened then? Well, in the book of Who, they say that Jesus made the Whos kill every Grinch that day. In their town, the Christians left nothing but ash, some wire, and the last Grinch left was a child in the fire.
5:13 - 5:31 "I've a better shot at heaven than they ever could. How powerful was Jesus? They killed him with wood! Why, for 2,000 years I've put up with it now! I must stop the Christians from fucking, but how?"
5:32 - 5:44 Then he got an idea, an awful idea. "Allahu-Ackbar!" The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!
5:48 - 6:05 "Allahu-Ackbar! Allahu-Ackbar!" "Allahu-Eggbar!" he was Grinchily humming. "They'll be finding out now that no Christmas is coming!" He stood 10,000 feet up the side of Mount Fuck-it, with a sleigh full of bombs at the tip-top, and he dumped it.
7:02 And that day the Grinch found out something he hadn't thought of before: When you die, nothing happens.
