The Armenian Council for Truth in Journalism

President Joe Biden has very seriously reluctantly had to inform Americans that they may not be able to have small celebrations for Independence Day, unless they start masking up like it’s halloween, and taking as many shots as the pharmaceutical companies can get emergency authorization for.
This may come as a disappointment to those delusional enough to believe that independence has something to do with the freedom to make their own decisions, but there’s simply no time for that sort of counterproductive thinking. Uncle Joe may not know what time of day it is, but he certainly has an irrefutable track record of knowing what’s best for the country.
As the House looks forward to DC statehood, and the Senate passes legislation that will end hate crimes against Asians once and for all, we can all look forward to a future which shines brighter than a DARPA space laser, pointed directly at our retinas.
Water supplies are dwindling, the US Postal Service is surveilling your social media, and some women are reporting abnormal menstruation cycles after receiving their COVID-19 vaccine, but we shouldn’t let a few nasty headlines dampen our spirit or resolve for doing our part to slow the spread of anything but global communism.
The Embodied Moxie robot is here to raise our children while we focus on what’s really important. We are entering a brave new world where we no longer have to be burdened with actually speaking to our kids. Ew.
Nobody wants to be burdened with teaching those little curtain climbers to be human beings anyway.
The Council convenes on April 22, 2021