Pat Bastard and the Spurious 5

Well I pray in my final hour
For the people who yet must die
For the liars and the robbers
And the cheating crimes
Who tortured the deadly times

Well, I've written home to mother
The ink ran from my tears
I said, "Momma, momma, oh please
Tell me why you brought me here"

Well I’m the monkey that you’ve always been afraid of
I’m the spirit that haunts your dreams
Deep inside,
Don’t you have a little bit of sympathy?

Cause everyone h8s a tourist
Especially one who thinks it's
All such a laff

“Karaoke Common People Pulp”
By Karaoke Along

You're a bedtime story
The one that keeps the curtains closed
And I hope you're waiting for me
Cause I can’t make it on my own

Poor dunce
He pushed back the pigmen
The Barbs laughed
The fool is dead

Lights are flashing, cars are crashing
Getting frequent now
I've got the spirit, lose the feeling
Let it out somehow

I like love
But I don’t know
All these girls
They come and go
Always nothing
Left to say
And I resent everyone
Ever since I was young
I'm starting to understand
What's going on and how it's planned

I woke up, can't wait to eat
Got my cereal, boy was I beat
Opened the fridge, and to my dismay
There was no milk, my mother will pay

I stand here bored and look at you
Clapping like monkeys at a zoo
A horde of maladjusted miscreants
All pumped and primed, just what could possibly be
Limping through
Your one-track minds? I can't believe you wonder
Why i think that you're the enemy

Bleating and babbling they fell on his neck with a scream
Wave upon wave of demented avengers
Marched cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream

I've been around the world
And every story ends the same
But when the lights are dim
You won't remember my name
I don't want no scars to show
I don't want no one to know
So I'll be killing time in the Blue Shadows

Soundscape - D125 can be found here:

If you didn't care
What happened to me
And I didn't care for you

We would zig-zag our way
Through the boredom and pain
Occasionally glancing up through the rain

Wondering which of the
Buggers to blame
And watching for pigs on the wing

As you know, Kurt "Calamari Sutra" Eichenwald is a big fan of tentacle hentai. When he's not whacking it to monsters from the deep, Kurt "Ramming Qt Grills With My Tendrils" Eichenwald likes to take to Twitter to push politics and get people locked up for gifs. Though some narrow-minded bigots may shame him for his perverse, pulpy longings, I for one salute Kurt "Cthulhu Is My Waifu" Eichenwald, and push for the day when he, too, and those like him, will be able to make a public display of their love in front of Yog-Sothoth and their families. The hashtag is #CalamarriagEquality. Get it trending for Kurt!

The over-indulgent machines were their children
There wasn't a way down on Earth here to cool them
Cause they looked just like humans
At Kresge's and Woolworth's
But decadent brains were at work to destroy
Rats in battalions were ruling the street scene
Generation landslide
Closed the gap between 'em

And I laughed to myself at the men and the ladies
Who never conceived of us billion dollar babies

Happy Halloween you gaggle of NEETs and reprobates. In this, the first ever Halloween Special, P. Bastard is settling in for a night of slasherkino with the greatest and best video nasty of all, Unhinged. But Mchumba, skinwalkers and a power cut may change those plans.

The full pasta written for this picture can be read at

Do you ever notice, when you're walking home alone at night that as you pass a streetlamp, your shadow stretches out in front of you, as if racing away from the light at your back?

How much terror would fill your heart if it were joined by the shadow of another figure at your side?

"Shadows" stars Olivia Bush and is directed by Pat Bastard.

Someone’s sitting in a field
Never giving yield
Sitting there with gleaming eyes
Waiting for Big Pumpkin to arise

In 2015, WPC Maxine Tracy was committed to Jason Hawkins mental institution following a series of unsuccessful suicide attempts.

In 2016, kinographer Pat Bastard joined the River Warriors, a post-apocalyptic punk rock bike gang led by Melville "Longcoat" Oppenheimer. Only one man stood in their way: Maxine's mentor on the police force, PC Dale Goodrich.

After the legendary chase that gave them their name, the River Warriors expanded to become the city's largest and most powerful gang, while Dale was kicked off the police force.

But now, in 2017, a chance meeting between Maxine Tracy and Pat Bastard could mean the beginning of the end for both gangs.

All clips used are credited in the video. Some clips from are subject to the following license:

Two years ago, officer Maxine Tracy was committed to a mental institution. Now she's back on the streets and about to go head to head with the River Warriors, a post-apocalyptic punk rock bike gang that has taken over the city.

But there's a catch. For Maxine has unknowingly entered into a relationship with hapless gang member and underappreciated kinographer Pat Bastard. He doesn't know she's a cop. She doesn't know he's a crook. Mayhem and confusion ensue.

Donut miss it u plebs!!


In which Pat meets with a mysterious faction active in the city's underworld whose operations may be holding back a darker power yet from rising.

Calling occupants of interplanetary craft

Amitai Angor Open Sea video:

Some clips under Attribution license (credited in video):

Celestial Theme under FreeSFX license:

Blues was the original greentext.

(They did the mash)
They did the monster mash
(They did the mash)
It was a graveyard smash

Bumped to traffic patrol, Officer Dale stops the first motorist he sees – Pat Bastard – and sends him to speed awareness course.

At the course, Pat falls in with a tough crowd of post-apocalyptic punk rock bikers. To prove himself to them, he helps them escape, hijacking the instructor’s car and kidnapping the instructor.

Dale gives pursuit, in the world's first Mad Max on pedal boats kino.


Created 1 year, 7 months ago.

36 videos


dank KNHOs only