Philosopher Stefan Molyneux confronts a young woman who JUST CAN'T MAKE UP HER MIND! - demanding an answer to the most essential question: WHAT VALUE DO YOU BRING OTHER THAN LOOKS?
Previous show: https://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/4630/i-need-him-to-throw-me-up-against-the-wall-a-woman-begs-her-man-to-be-assertive
"Hello Stefan! I considered all the things we talked about from our last phone conversation regarding myself and "James." I went on several dates and chatted with some great guys and some not-so great guys. Each time, I realized that I kept wishing James was sitting in front of me and not some random man. He is truly the best person for me, and I am allowing myself to show my love for him in the way I have always imagined myself loving him. However, of course, since I am an over-thinker, there is something I am still struggling to work through; it is definitely a deep-seated issue of sorts that I have gotten away with not addressing. The only way I know how to describe it is a complete disassociation from my body and from myself as a sexual being. I cannot seem to be both emotionally intimate and physically intimate with a man, despite wanting to be both with James. In the past, I am either totally numb and disconnected emotionally and only focusing on what is physically happening, and if I am not numb, I am in a state of panic. I have only experienced this panic with James, and I cannot abide it. I would say it is part of the reason I took a step back because I felt just too "known" by him.
"I have a difficult time understanding what being in a healthy relationship looks like. I honestly do not know what to do. I want him, and I know we will have a good life together--literally the life I always imagined us having since we met. I have said for years that I want someone “like him, who is not him;” as I’ve searched, I learned that James loves me as I am, and there is not anything I have to do or become, other than the best version of the me he already loves so much. There is truly no one else like James. I know that I have a tendency to go towards dysfunctional men because it allows me to, as you said, erase myself, as I do not have to deal with my own issues if I am busy managing someone else’s. I have managed other people’s issues my whole life, it seems, but James does not have any issues for me to manage, forcing me to have to manage my own... which I obviously don’t want to face because I don’t know how to fix it. I often relate to Scarlet O’Hara from Gone with the Wind, and I wish that was not the case as she is pretty awful in many ways! On her wedding night with her first husband, Charles, she panics, as it did not occur to her that in marrying this shy boy she would be tasked with sharing his bed. That’s how I feel sometimes; it’s as if it does not fully occur to me that the man I marry will also know me as no one else, and it is horrifying to me. HELP!"
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